U.S. Patent 3,216,423 - Apparatus For Facilitating The Birth Of A Child By Centrifugal Force
In 1963, George and Charlotte Blonsky submitted a detailed patent application for a childbirth assistive device.
In the case of a woman who has a fully developed muscular system and has had ample physical exertion all through the pregnancy, as is common with all more primitive peoples, nature provides all the necessary equipment and power to have a normal and quick delivery. This is not the case, however, with more civilized women who often do not have the opportunity to develop the muscles needed in confinement.
This is not satire from Mad Magazine, I promise. Also, attitudes have changed a lot in the past 50+ years. Their unashamed opinion on differences between “primitive” and “civilized” women is a bit shocking to read today. However, they are completely serious and this plan is both simple and diabolical.
First, strap the mother down…
…the head is held firm by a chin or neck strap. The body is steadied by a strap provided on the transverse plate, and the thighs are firmly held in the thigh plates by straps…
Next, spin up a centrifuge and generate enough force to eject the child. They’ve thoughtfully included a net to catch the baby so it isn’t flung across the room.
Means are provided to assure the safe delivery of the fetus and to stop the machine immediately upon such delivery. These means comprise a pocket-shaped reception net made of strong, elastic material and supported under tension by tail ropes secured at one end …
They also thought up another clever innovation – use the force of the child as it is slung into the net to toggle off the switch.
When the fetus leaves the mother’s vagina and lands on the cotton bed in the net, its weight, as a result of the rotation of the machine, exerts a radial centrifugal force on the bottom of the elastic net. This force on the net presses on the upright switch-out plate … [which] causes an electric switch in the control box to stop the drive motor and the rotation of the whole machine.
Many of us used to play on the merry-go-round, and maybe went a little fast and got flung off. At worst, we might have been going around 7 or 8 revolutions per minute (RPM). According to the included chart, they plan to go up to 82 RPM and generate about 7 times Earth gravity (G). To compare, trained fighter pilots without pressure suits can blackout somewhere between 4 to 6 G.
Thankfully, this is an idea that never really took off. The patent has expired if you think it has any merit, and you can view it here.